I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Im part way to drunk.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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