They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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