It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I just want to make out with him forever
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
