You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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