I want to walk on stilts...naked
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize
