Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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