Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
