woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
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