Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
