Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
