Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Randomize
