he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
