Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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