I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Randomize
