I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
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