dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Randomize
