I think my fart just growled at me.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
