There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
