I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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