I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
