She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
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