she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
