I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Randomize
