just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
