I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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