Don't you send me to vm
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
