Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
