she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
