Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
