I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I will be naked everywhere
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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