So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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