This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Randomize
