My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
