you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Randomize
