you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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