we have officially lost it.
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
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