you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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