take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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