Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
You made out with two different species that night
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
