holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
not ubering you a puppy
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
