Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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