lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Alive.
So much puke
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Randomize
