I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
