It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
