I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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