Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
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