the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
