TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I have tasted many bathrooms
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
