Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Randomize
