just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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