another moral hangover. fuck.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
