I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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