Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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