I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
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