The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
